Hold my hand, its not that bad.

I sometimes sit in my room alone and I can hear my roommates in their rooms with their significant others; talking, laughing, watching a movie. I look around me and feel a void, a lack of presence in the room. I want to hold someone's hand, I want to look across the table at someone and know they care, I want that at ease feeling where you feel safe.

I get upset at myself when I have this feeling. I like to think of myself as an independent woman but I realize I am just trying to embody my older sister's personality. I've been fighting their shadow my whole life and here I am actually striving for it. Its funny how the world works.

This year is going to be different. Come hold my hand, I promise it wont be so bad.

you can do more than you realize.

I get angry at myself every time I wish I was in good terms with you to talk to you. Why do I still want to talk to you even though you've hurt me so? This heart is just asking for it. I dont know what to think anymore. I just want to be numb.

I want to just stop time like I can with my Tivo. I wish you werent such an ass, things would be so much easier. Hah.

sorority!? what you!?

So I decided to pledge for this sorority. I decided to put myself out there and try something new. Call me hypocritical if I've ever bad mouthed sororities but I really do feel like I'm part of something special. I dont have much to say about that for now. We'll see how it goes.

Speaking of sororities, I want to watch Sorority Row. Even though it totally looks like some corny teeny bopper scary movie, one of my fb friend's status claims it is a 9/10. Thats pretty generous for a scary movie that isnt even R rated. I shall bootleg it later :D

I should really get to reading :( I have like 3o pages to read and a paper to write. Thats just for one class too. Pooey.

Chicpea shall now crawl back to her desk to do hwk. FAIL.

Random...

When I'm walking to my class on campus, I like to look around and check people out. Not like that, (ok maybe sometimes like that. When I see a guy run past with a suit on or a clean cut look, is it so bad to turn my head? haha. Yeah probably, but shoot me.) but rather just people watch. I sometimes count how many CAL shirts people wear on the way to class (HOLY) and sometimes I look for doggies. But the other day as I was passing Wheeler, and because wheeler is on that big slope, the left side of the building has a lot more stairs than the right but it is gradual so it is really hard to tell if there's going to be another step or not unless you are actually looking down. Well I saw this girl walking while on the phone and stepped expecting another step. It looked funny so I just giggled to myself because that has happened to me so many times.

I also think its amusing how cruel the bus drivers are sometimes. I see the bus coming and think FINALLY and it approaches the bus stop but decides last minute that they arent going to stop because there's too many people on the bus. Damn. Tricked.

Speaking of bus drivers, the 51 bus driver who goes from Bancroft to Shattuck around 1-ish/2-ish? Yeah that fool is C-R-A-Z-Y. We approach a bus stop and there are only two people so he opens the doors, yell HOP ON and when they do, close the door and zooms on. I'm like OMG those people didnt even get a chance to hold on to something. The bus driver then turns onto Shattuck and it was a REALLY sharp turn. Everyone was holding on to dear life! I felt like we were literally on two wheels. WHOA NOW MAN. CHILLLLLL. I ran out of that bus. If I see him again, I'll happily wait another 10-15 minutes for the next bus thank you very much!

Ok, just some thoughts :)